


yours, sakusa kiyoomi.

by lucillo, veils



Series: to whom it may concern; [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, Canon Compliant, Epistolary, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:01:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27099289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucillo/pseuds/lucillo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/veils/pseuds/veils
Summary: On the way out for his morning run, Kiyoomi sees the pristine envelope left on his doorstep and stares at the scribbled handwriting.Don't worry about disinfecting this, I delivered it myself.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: to whom it may concern; [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1977967
Comments: 6
Kudos: 63





	yours, sakusa kiyoomi.

**Author's Note:**

> akiyo tweeted about writing an epistolary for sakuatsu and my impulsive ass wanted to contribute.

Atsumu,

Everything I did in my life was always well-calculated, thought about over bouts of self-doubt and days where I questioned my self-esteem. Until you. With you, I was always sure. With you, I never thought twice of what I wanted. When it’s you - with you, about you, anything that has to do with you - my fingers ache. Everything starts spinning. The skies are pink, and I just melt.

You took me by storm. It was never gradual; we never were. You laid siege on me with a sudden and furious attack, and I let myself be taken by the flood that is your love. You might think you had to work your way through getting me, but that is not true. You did not have to do anything short of existing.

They say that if a writer ever falls in love with you, you would be immortalized. I might have done that with you, Atsumu. You are invincible in my field of vision. My skin will always remember how yours felt. My hands will forever crave to feel yours against my face, holding me while the planets turned. Your voice is in my head every minute of every day, reminding me that you’re real. That I did not just dream you up. 

Hearing you say that you don’t expect anything from me after you’ve poured your heart out is exactly why I don’t deserve to be with you. Atsumu, you could never have done anything wrong to make me leave. I’m choosing to. For you. So you can be with someone who can give you what you want without thinking about it. So someone can love you the way you love me. The way you deserve to be loved. The way I don’t.

Sometimes I can convince myself that you were born to make me happy because you know how to, and you are amazing at it. But, you weren’t meant to be happy because of me.

Do you remember when we went out to Takenohama? I could see it in your eyes how much you wanted to jump in head first to the clear waters. But you didn’t. It was because of me, right? You took one look at me and understood that I did not want to move an inch and be engulfed in a sea of people, let alone an actual body of water. Your shoulders dropped and your smile wavered while you took me by the hand and shielded me from the presence of strangers. It broke my heart, Atsumu. You should be with someone who won’t think twice to jump into clear waters with you. Not someone who drags you to a confined space and asks you to clean every inch of your body before touching you.

I never let anyone in immediately. It always takes a lot of time for me to let someone in completely. That’s why when I do, I am in it completely. That’s why when I do, you could destroy me completely. Some situations are so familiar that I become who I was before our first encounter. And, I am helpless. Sometimes I feel like I’m there again, in the four walls I’m supposed to find comfort in, but I can only find myself sinking. That was home for me once, and ‘home’ is supposed to be pretty. It’s not anymore. So now, I flinch when it’s familiar. I take back a few steps because I remember how I came out of that. I don’t want to go back in, but I feel like I have to. For the sake of both of us.

The worst thing is that even if you weren’t around, I know I could still fall for you. Because not only did I fall in love with the person that made you, you, I fell in love with you through the late-night practices, the songs we listened to and the skies we stared at during long rides to matches, and the Sunday mornings we got to sleep in. I fell in love with you through the normality of things that already existed. So even if you aren’t with me in the following years, you will forever remain in the things that make up my days.

My heart aches thinking you’re alone and knowing you feel lonelier than before. I know, there are so many reasons for you to hate me. There are intense reasons for you to just completely cut me off. But, please don’t. I worry, still. I care for you, I do. And I miss you. That’s why my heart aches. Because I miss you.

Yours,  
Sakusa Kiyoomi


End file.
